PART IACCEPTING HELP: “No matter how informed we are, getting a diagnosis of cancer shocks. It strikes fear and denial and emotional paralysis into even the most intrepid souls. We all know that cancer is a leading cause of death. But we never believe we will be the ones to get that particular call from the doctor … There are any number of ways to get the news. And once you hear it, life is never the same.” Dana writes about how accepting help can sometimes be difficult, especially as a woman who values her independence: “My advice to cancer patients is to remain independent when you can. It’s good for you. When you can’t, however, let the people who love you help. Their doing so benefits you both … My advice to friends and family: Don’t always take the patient at his/her word. Sometimes you need to override their decisions and take charge in a very concrete, unobtrusive way…No matter how independent we have been, we now need assistance, all kinds of it. We must allow ourselves to accept it, even to ask for it.” Allowing friends and family to help is immensely valuable, as many people don’t know what to say or do when a loved one is diagnosed. Proactively helping out with basic tasks, like mowing the grass, running errands, cooking meals, or hiring a house cleaner can be a huge help to patients with cancer. NMF president Rhonda Miles was Nikki’s caretaker for the 31 months she battled pancreatic cancer and was at every doctor’s appointment, procedure, and hospital stay. Nikki said, “This is not something you beat alone and I am sending you a hug for staying with me! I am close to a time that I can resurface to the place I once knew to visit and 'come out and play' again. A special place in my heart to those of you who have shown the depth of your friendship even when I was unable.” LIVE EACH DAY TO THE FULLEST: From the start, all of Nikki’s blog posts were overwhelmingly positive. Even when faced with recurrence, she focused on the positive: “I am EXTREMELY grateful that I am able to grow forward from all of this. I am not sure I would have learned what I have any other way…One of the main (of hundreds) of things I have learned through all of this is...Why waste a moment worrying about something that may never be? And if something does unfold, then worry is not an option. It does nothing but weaken the spirit and spin your wheels in mud.” In keeping with her positive outlook, Nikki said, “One of the amazing ‘up sides’ to all this is that I know now without a doubt - I have felt the power and the healing of this incredible gift you each have given me…In other words, it can always be worse so grab the saddle horn and bring it on...for the better good, of course!” Dana also felt that living each day to the fullest was incredibly important. She issued “a plea to say what you should, now and every day … We shouldn’t look at the people we love with the thought that they might not be here tomorrow. Or for that matter, that we may not be here tomorrow. We couldn’t enjoy our lives and the many joys we share if we always anticipated the darkness.” Her thoughts on how to do this were to “make our small gestures of kindness a reflex.” She believed it was important to not dwell on mortality and to just focus on the day ahead and that attitude and outlook play a critical role in the healing process. The attitudes, values, and positivity embodied in Dana and Nikki’s writings can aid patients living with cancer and their caregivers alike. Dana says “Begin the day with this mantra: be kind, be expressive; find something positive to say to others; love your family and friends.” Living Dana’s mantra and embracing Nikki’s positivity can change everyone’s world for the better. Read Dana's full articles here.